Romance Impaired

Courage. You finally mustered enough of it to call up your latest crush and convince him to take you out for a meal you’ll be too nervous to eat and a movie you have no interest in watching. From the moment you hang up the phone it increasingly seems like a bad idea. You have the choice of going with your instinct and bailing on the date or muddle through and pretend to have a good time. Chances are your hunt for Mr. Perfect will push you to choose the latter option.

First dates are notoriously awkward. It is the time you and a virtual stranger try each other out to decide whether to proceed with the courtship ritual or resort to a one-night stand. Because a potential relationship waits at the end of the outing, both parties face undue pressures. Palms perspire, hearts jump, and the butterflies in your stomach induce involuntary bulimia. It’s all part of the dating process and mostly stems from not knowing how to handle oneself in a romantic situation with someone new. Once the hyperventilating subsides, take a look at the following ways you can avoid a disastrous date.

Ask questions to discover your date’s interests and passions. Playing the role of interviewer can fill in gaps in awkward pauses and conversation lulls. If your date is on the quiet side, this will open him up and give the impression that you’re into him. Be careful not to ask too many or too personal questions. Stick to the “Where’d you grow up?” and “How many siblings to do have?” spiel. Save the income, marriage, and baby questions for later dates. Speaking of marriage, it is okay to make sure he’s single. The last thing you want to find when you’re snooping through his files later is a marriage certificate and no copies of divorce papers.

Dress comfortably. Wear the clothes that make you feel sexy and confident. Ill-fitting garments will have you tugging and adjusting all night. When choosing an outfit, err on the conservative side. After all, clothes do come off.

Keep the conversation current and relevant. Don’t delve too much into your past and do not discuss previous relationships. It is common to have a first date with someone following a breakup, but your new beau doesn’t need to hear all the gory details of the old one. He does need to hear how his shirt complements his eye color.

Be truthful. Nerves and the desire to make a good first impression may cloud common sense and cause you to do or say things out-of-character. While it might be fun to pretend to have a glamorous career or know how to drive a motorcycle when meeting strangers in a bar, it’s not such a good idea when trying to establish the groundwork for a relationship. Be prepared to back up any outrageous claims you make.

Show off your playful side. This doesn’t mean you should dance on the bar with your top off (unless that happens to be one of your hobbies). Even if the guy turns out not to be Mr. Fabulous, there’s no reason to turn all sour puss and boycott fun for the rest of the date. Make a few quips about the movie, start up a game of table football, or shoot your straw wrapper across the table at dinner. Do whatever fits your personality and will keep you relaxed.

Don’t send mixed signals. If you’re not having a great time or you know this is a one-time only outing with this guy, let him know. Tell him up front that you don’t see a second date in your future and wish him well. The worst thing you can do is lead him on to believe something will transpire between you, physically or emotionally.

Make the first move. When the date is going well and you want things to progress to a more physical level, take matters into your own hands. Grab his hand, grab his butt, plant a kiss on his lips. Go only as far as you feel comfortable and don’t tease your date into thinking he’s getting around all the bases on the first night if you won’t follow through.

These tips won’t guarantee a successful date or insure a lasting relationship with the man in question, it’s up to you to make that happen. But if you follow them, you may end up having a good time and maybe you won’t wake up hating yourself the next morning. Now that you have the date under control, you can concentrate on first kiss execution.

The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.

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