Romance Impaired

After months of alternating between brushing up against strangers in social situations and sampling Ben & Jerry flavors at home, you’ve finally found the love of your life and the man with whom you’ll spend the rest of your days. The trouble is, it’s two different men.

Being the tip of the love triangle is a harrowing experience and much more stressful than a romantic interlude really should be. Give a guy two girls and he’ll think he’s halfway to a letter in Penthouse. Switch the genders and you’re soon in a relationship relay race to the altar. The potential flaw in our gender is that we’re easily enamored and more sentimental than the hairier sex.

Because men usually turn over the relationship reins to women, the bulk of the responsibility and maintenance rests on our spaghetti-strapped shoulders. Soon you’re scheduling dates, scribbling down sibling names to keep them straight, downloading maps for restaurants across town, investing in a reversible picture frame– you’ll need an assistant just to keep track of everything. Once in a while, there’s a slip up and you’ve double-booked or asked Boyfriend #1 about his baby sister’s operation when he’s the youngest of four brothers. Luckily, guys tend to be less suspicious and chalk up bizarre behavior to “that time of the month.”

How you split your time between the two is crucial to your survival and the quality of your relationship. For example, if you only spend weekends and non-PMS days with Boyfriend #1, he’s getting a nicer, more relaxed version of you than Weekday Boyfriend. When the time arises to choose between them, Weekend Boyfriend might seem like the right choice because he’s not as exasperated with you as Weekday Boyfriend, but the weekday guy sticks it out for some reason.

The dynamics of a relationship are not only altered by your behavior, but by their knowledge. Whether both guys are in on the situation or just the one you’re seeing behind the primary boyfriend’s back, with knowledge comes competition. Having two guys compete for your affection may double the gifts and the attention you get, but the prize is not just your heart. For some, it’s just a conquest and you may be gradually phased out of his life after the battle is won.

With all good love triangles comes the inevitable choice. The love triangle wouldn’t seem so scandalous if it weren’t for that pesky concept of monogamy. Even though humans aren’t necessarily monogamous creatures, we’ve been conditioned to find one partner with whom we’ll spend an unspecified amount of time. But if you and your partners don’t subscribe to the “one mate for every person” idea, why choose? If you can handle juggling two or more guys at once, why deprive yourself of seeing how each relationship plays out without limiting the players?

Well, there’s the guilt of knowing you aren’t giving your all to both partners. And eventually the scheduling and the strategic plans, the dates across town, and rarely sleeping in your own apartment become tiresome. Sometimes it’s nice to have the home bed advantage, enjoy some solo pampering time, and to only have to complain about your day once.

And sometimes it isn’t your choice. Maybe Weekend Boyfriend takes up with another woman and doesn’t have your aptitude for balancing multiple relationships. Thank goodness for Mondays.

The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.

www.thecurableromantic.com