We told you that we love musicians, so you went out and started your own death metal band. We claimed to appreciate a good sense of humor, so you brushed up on your “guy walks into a bar” repertoire. We’ve given you reasons to believe that it’s what you know, not what you look like that we regard highly. Still, we’re as guilty as you for checking out a nicely packaged member of the opposite sex.
Studies conducted by women’s magazines over the years reveal that women are in favor of personality. A good sense of humor will surely win the heart of a good woman. But who here has ever spotted someone across the room and said, “Hey, look at the sense of humor on that one?” Perhaps these women are keeping the future in mind, when she hopes her man will be amused rather than disgusted when her tits become floppier than a basset hound‘s ears. More likely, the editors of these magazines are aware of the male readership and have slanted the results to make them feel adequate.
The tables are cruelly turned in your average men’s magazine. While women studies may be tailored to pacify men, guys openly ogle scantily clad, well-built ladies. These photos, while fun to look at, reduce a regular girl to an emotional basket case. The basket cases set impossibly high standards for themselves based on what they believe you really want. Yes, guys are visually stimulated creatures and do tend to judge potential partners by cover than by content. But well-adjusted women know that you need more than a pretty face and a tight ass to keep you coming around. That’s where the kinky sex tricks come into play. Of course, all of that goes out the window on a Friday night drinking binge. Then it’s whoever, wherever.
Eventually the cute dimples give way to road map wrinkles, but you’re stuck with your personality forever. For the most part, women hope that it’s a good one. If a woman intends to bed you, you must have some redeeming quality. A nice guy attitude will get you further than being an asshole, especially if you’re short on looks. Girls can justify sleeping with handsome hunks and lovable losers. We loathe men who are overly self-confident, snide, and have the face of a pimply ass.
But looks are somewhat of a factor. In recent years, men have taken more of an interest in their own appearances. With men presenting themselves in better fashions, women are taking notice. A well-dressed guy stands a better chance of scoring than a guy in a faded Metallica shirt and ripped jeans. Even if you weren’t blessed with good genes, you can make up for it with clean jeans.
It’s an established fact that women crave substance. Let’s be honest, with that biological clock ticking, personality may not be the substance girls are necessarily looking for. A woman who’s looking to conceive a child may be less picky about her suitor’s appearance as long as he’s in good working order. Those of us who are not likely to marry or bear children are free to seek out other qualities such as money, fame, looks, or sterility.
So, what’s more important: personality or looks? Neither and both. As with everything, there are some exceptions. It’s all a matter of taste, I guess. Practice good hygiene, read a few books, and pray that luck is on your side. If you feel yourself drawn to someone, chalk it up to chemistry. Or anatomy. Or biology. Just try not to dissect your date before you get to first base.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
In a perfect world, her family would welcome you into their home with open arms. Having heard glorious praises in your name, they would offer you a permanent invitation to all family functions, where everyone else would rave over you. Her father would allow you to sit in his big papa chair and insist you join him at all major sporting events. His mother would become fast friends with you and take you on pleasant shopping excursions. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world.
In reality, meeting your significant’s parental units is quite possibly the most excruciating step in a relationship . Schedule a root canal for the following day and it will seem like child’s play in comparison. No amount of impressive gifts or brushing up on family history can prepare you for this event. The one thing you can count on is that the parents will hate you.
While your beloved thinks you are perfection personified, her parents will be searching for anything to hold against you. From the moment they open the door, all eyes will be on you and flaw detectors will be powered up. After all, you are dating (and hopefully nothing more) their precious baby. The golden child, fruit of their loins, a treasure of which you are not worthy. To them, you are a criminal (you did steal their little girl’s heart) and must be stopped at any cost. Maybe it isn’t that extreme, but you may want to watch for land mines on the way to the washroom. In any case, parents will always believe that no one is good enough for their precious virginal prize.
The meeting invitation will most likely be set for dinner. Dinner sounds harmless, right? If you’ve been asked to go to a restaurant, a smooth evening may be ahead. Going out for dinner, as you may have learned on many first dates, provides plenty of distractions; waiters disrupting conversations, menus to hide behind, and a cleverly planned bout of food poisoning could clear you from any heavy-duty conversation. If you’ve been invited to the house for dinner, you’re screwed.
Dinner at the house (home of the dominant parent, if divorce is the case) is not simply a meal shared among family and new friends; it is a test of survival. Mom conveniently starts cooking as soon as you arrive. It will undoubtedly be a grand feast, one requiring several hours of preparation. After the initial greetings and chitchat, a verbal metal detector if you will, comes the interrogation. The interrogation room appears to be a friendly living room filled with knick-knacks and photos of your beloved in various growth spurts. Take a seat on the largest couch, in plain view of Dad, maintaining one seat cushion distance between you and your love. Anything closer will receive disapproving looks. At this point, dinner will be in the oven, so Mom may join the interrogation. Any siblings or other family members will be out of sight.
The interrogation will feel much like a job interview. Where are you from, where did you go to school, are your parents still together, how did you two meet, what makes you think you’re any good for our bundle of joy? You may want to edit out any unpleasant information like being raised by a pack of wolves or that you met their daughter in the video section of a seedy adult store.
Once you have satisfactorily answered all the questions, dinner will be ready. All siblings, visiting family members, and pets will pour out of the woodwork to meet you. Here you will be introduced to Humpy the poodle who hasn’t been neutered, the religious grandmother, and a married sibling who was lucky enough to find someone to pass all the tests. You will immediately seek a bond with this other outsider and fail.
After dinner, while you repeatedly check your watch and give your love signs that you’re ready to leave, the parents will offer entertainment. The rest of the characters mysteriously vanish. The parents drag out old photo albums with more photos of your love at various stages in her life. This serves two purposes, to embarrass their child and to test your knowledge. There will be strategically placed photos of an old flame the parents will refer to as “that nice boy/girl you let slip away” and will follow up with “what happened to him/her?” Your beloved should use this chance to talk you up. This is the closing argument for acceptance.
Finally, the parents have grown tired of you. They thank you for coming; you thank them for having you. They tell their child that they will call tomorrow. You know the call will seal your fate with them.
Can’t bear the thought of rejection? Beg your beloved not to mention you to her parents. Hire a stand-in for family functions. Failing that, make a vow to only date orphans.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
Men, I’m about to strip you of the one romantic device so heavily on- those twelve long-stemmed get-out-of-jail-free-cards you call roses.
Once upon a time, roses were a true symbol of romance. Girls dreamed of making love on a bed covered in rose petals, to be showered with them on holidays and special occasions, or to be presented with a solitary bud at the close of a romantic date. What we got was the thorny side of a nice sentiment. These days, the rose has become the equivalent of a Blockbuster gift certificate, devoid of emotion or thought.
For many years, the rose has been the official “I’m sorry” flower of modern day couples. A guy can no longer give his ladylove a rose without a “What’d you do this time?” accusation. Even if you offer flowers in sincerity, she assumes you’re guilty of something. But more often than not, roses (or flowers in general) are passed off as gifts at the last minute. She’ll know you forgot her birthday if you show up at her doorstep twenty minutes late wielding wilting weeds.
Of course there are other reasons beyond guilt and forgetfulness to grab the nearest bouquet. Flowers are generally non-threatening. They don’t conjure negative self-imagery like boxes of chocolate and candy. They don’t raise expectations like lingerie. And they don’t dredge up commitment issues like jewelry. In fact, the only message flowers send is the one you inscribe on the card. Which is why you should avoid hasty scribbling if you don’t want more trouble. For example, don’t write, “This is a symbol of our love” unless you really want to say, “Our love, like this bouquet, is expensive and will eventually rot and die.”
As we continue forward into the 21st century, women are evolving into grrls and pushing the gender boundaries further and further. Most of us are no longer content with traditional ideas of romance. We don’t seek white knights or glass slippers, and we don’t have the time to care for lifeless roses and lifeless relationships. So, what’s a guy to do?
Unfortunately, you can’t clip this article and use it as your excuse to never bestow your girlfriend or wife with gifts. Women still require some sort of object to symbolize your admiration, preferably something that will last longer than two weeks. There are some women who still fancy a rose once in a while, but you have a better chance at winning her over with sincere trinkets that she can cherish forever. The good news is that since women are more willing to forego antiquated sentiments, you can do more of your girl shopping at Best Buy or Amazon.
While you probably can’t build a robot to satisfy your woman once you’ve given out, you can use technology to woo her. Depending on the level of your relationship, you can give her everything from personalized CDs to home theater equipment, all without questioning your motives. Burn her a disc of your (or her) favorite mp3s and she’ll be just as sweet on you as if you’d given her pink carnations. Not sure of her tastes? Give her your favorite movie on DVD and she’ll think you’re finally letting her into your world.
If you want to take a more organic approach to romance, win her over with a scrapbook of ticket stubs and matchbooks from the places you’ve visited as a couple. Or exercise the right side of your brain by drawing a silly self-portrait or write an intentionally sappy love poem about her. Should creativity not be your forte, well, that’s why Hallmark was invented.
The important thing is that you make the effort to do something good for the woman you hope to share your bed with for an undetermined amount of time. Besides, if you’re going to drop twenty or eighty bucks on her, it might as well be on something you both can enjoy. She may follow suit and surprise you with that plasma screen you’ve been eyeing.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
I don’t have to tell you that relationships are tricky bastards (but I have been hinting at it for quite some time). You would have better luck figuring the combination to a bank safe using fortune cookie lottery numbers than unfurling the relationship enigma. Still, off we go looking for the key to everlasting love. And time after stinking time our collective hearts are shocked by the electric fence of love.
Dear readers, I think I may have finally stumbled onto the secret to maintaining a happy relationship.
If I were to ask you to define the term relationship, a majority of you might respond with “A bond between two people built on trust, honesty, and love.” It’s a lovely thought , but it’s not quite reality. Two people may be all it takes to start a romance, but sooner or later you’ll find yourself in an emotional orgy. Any woman with a best friend or a mother will blow all your relationship privacy to hell. But the blame can’t fall squarely on the woman’s shoulders if the guy is a locker room braggart.
So how can you prevent your intimate details from going public? Zip your lips instead of your trousers by conducting a secret affair.
The secret romance has been reserved for those stepping out on their partners. It is often considered tawdry and illicit. But why should it be limited to the shameful and the embarrassed? Any why must everyone know that you’ve found your true love of the month? Of course, if it’s been a while since you’ve had a significant person in your life, you may have just cause to scream it from the mountain tops. Let’s assume you haven’t been a shut-in for most of your life. A quiet, undisclosed affair might be right up your alley.
Following the example of high-profile celebrities who prefer low-profile romances could prove beneficial. Celebrities frequently skirt around the issue of who’s sleeping with who by claiming to be “close friends.” And sometimes these “close friends” wind up exchanging vows in an undisclosed location. This is not to say your secret affair should lead you down the aisle, nor is there any time frame to abide by. It’s love, not a ticking bomb. Should you opt for a secret romance, you have the further option of never telling anyone or waiting for the right moment, like the apocalypse.
There are definite pluses to having a hush-hush relationship. You can take the time to familiarize yourself with your new lover and form your own opinions of him or her. To kiss and not tell can be a heady task, especially if you’ve got a magnificent fish on your line. Waiting to reveal your new beau to pals could pay off in the long run. If you discuss or introduce your beau to friends before you’ve spent ample together time, friendly observations may cloud your own judgment. If, however, you wait a year to bring him around and one of your amigas decides that she wants a round with him, you’ll have had a good run with the guy. You might even be fed up with the sap and willing to pass him along.
Keeping your relationship off the radar also allows for development without undue pressure. Nothing kills the passion of a romance like a busybody incessantly inquiring about relationship status, naked fingers, and wedding bells. Of course, those same Nosy Nancys will insist on setting you up with a slew of nice personalities and family friends if they believe you to be unattached. The best way to ward them off is by claiming to have a venereal disease of the incurable sort.
The greatest reason to have a secret affair is to maintain fiery loins and passionate encounters. Sharing something that no one else is privy to can be naughty and sexy (if it’s the right secret). Sneaking gropes, stealing kisses, meeting in undisclosed locations- it’s why adultery was invented! Not that I’m condoning that you betray your current lover by picking up with a new one. Save this advice for the next person. There will be a next one, trust me.
Better yet- if you already have an established partner, there’s nothing wrong with enhancing your romance by adding a few secret ingredients. Maybe you’ve been together so long that you behave like prudish librarians in mixed company. Let your hair down and take opportunities to sneak gropes under a restaurant table or share a passionate kiss in the elevator. Pretending that you’re having an illicit affair can be just as fun. Put on a blonde wig if it helps. For kicks, make him wear the wig. But don’t tell anyone; they just wouldn’t understand.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
If you have an email account (or MySpace) and a cyber acquaintance that feels compelled to forward every hoax, tasteless joke list, and chain letter, then you may have skimmed and deleted the Good Sex chain letter. Like all chains, there is the obligatory threat of horrible things that will happen to you for not passing it along to 10 or 12 online acquaintances you hope to annoy with your petty forwards. The Good Sex “promise” is as follows:
…Now sex has been sent to you. The “Hot Sex Fairy” will visit you within four days of receiving this message provided you, in turn send it on. If you don’t then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate and your genitals will rot and fall off.
At first glance, you might dismiss the chain letter as a hoax. On further inspection, you will find that the letter touts many benefits of engaging in sexual activity. Read on as we uncover the truth behind its claims.
Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love, they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
The Health Benefits of Sex, an article by D. Zimmer at Ask Men.com, states, “In women, sex increases estrogen levels, which protects them against heart disease… this hormone also plays a huge role in a woman’s body scent.” There is no substantial scientific research to back up the sex as beauty treatment statement. While estrogen may contribute to better hair and skin conditions, don’t expect intercourse to be added to the service roster at your local spa.
Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
This is one exercise with guaranteed results. Not only is it pleasurable, you can also burn up to 150 calories during one half hour session. “[T]he average couple engages in sex for approximately 25 minutes a session only 3 times a week. A healthy rigorous hour of sex may burn even more than 300 calories,” says Zimmer’s article.
Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
Yes, orgasms do lead to euphoric feelings, but Dr. Neil of Relationship-Talk.com warns that clinical depression is not cured or satisfied by sex. He says, “First of all, too much sex without meaning can in fact be a symptom of and a passageway to depression. Second, all those endorphins just don’t do the trick when real depression is involved.” Sex may not be an instant cure, but it does allow you to forget about your troubles for an hour or so.
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
If you’re looking for a good night’s sleep without the aid of pills and darts, a romp in the sack may be the prescription for you. The previously released endorphins are hormone-like chemicals resembling morphine. After the orgasm, there is a period of extreme relaxation and a sense of serenity. Men typically doze off during this time, as women, pumped up with extra estrogen, want to wax romantic for a while. Zimmer says, “ Plenty of people who enjoy a regular dose of sex convey that they sleep much better during the night.”
Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
As silly as it may sound, this is a fact. The Advanced Dentistry newsletter claims kissing helps reduce the incidence of cavities “because it stimulates the flow of saliva that buffers and neutralizes oral bacteria acid, … Kissing is actually nature’s cleansing process.”
Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
Once again, those endorphins are at work. The increased blood flow and endorphin levels can help to relieve regular headaches. But according to a report on WomensHealth.org, sex can also cause headaches. For most, the sex headache (coital cephalgia) is a combination of raised blood pressure and muscle tension, not by doing it too fast- even though men have the higher rate of sex headaches.
In addition, sex can help to improve circulation, ease tension, boost self-esteem, and build an intimate bond with your partner. We have found sex to be not only great fun, but also good for you. It’s like discovering a cheesecake has a lower fat content. This is such helpful information; you’ll want to pass it on to your friends. Maybe the “Hot Sex Fairy” will leave something good under your pillow.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
After months of alternating between brushing up against strangers in social situations and sampling Ben & Jerry flavors at home, you’ve finally found the love of your life and the man with whom you’ll spend the rest of your days. The trouble is, it’s two different men.
Being the tip of the love triangle is a harrowing experience and much more stressful than a romantic interlude really should be. Give a guy two girls and he’ll think he’s halfway to a letter in Penthouse. Switch the genders and you’re soon in a relationship relay race to the altar. The potential flaw in our gender is that we’re easily enamored and more sentimental than the hairier sex.
Because men usually turn over the relationship reins to women, the bulk of the responsibility and maintenance rests on our spaghetti-strapped shoulders. Soon you’re scheduling dates, scribbling down sibling names to keep them straight, downloading maps for restaurants across town, investing in a reversible picture frame– you’ll need an assistant just to keep track of everything. Once in a while, there’s a slip up and you’ve double-booked or asked Boyfriend #1 about his baby sister’s operation when he’s the youngest of four brothers. Luckily, guys tend to be less suspicious and chalk up bizarre behavior to “that time of the month.”
How you split your time between the two is crucial to your survival and the quality of your relationship. For example, if you only spend weekends and non-PMS days with Boyfriend #1, he’s getting a nicer, more relaxed version of you than Weekday Boyfriend. When the time arises to choose between them, Weekend Boyfriend might seem like the right choice because he’s not as exasperated with you as Weekday Boyfriend, but the weekday guy sticks it out for some reason.
The dynamics of a relationship are not only altered by your behavior, but by their knowledge. Whether both guys are in on the situation or just the one you’re seeing behind the primary boyfriend’s back, with knowledge comes competition. Having two guys compete for your affection may double the gifts and the attention you get, but the prize is not just your heart. For some, it’s just a conquest and you may be gradually phased out of his life after the battle is won.
With all good love triangles comes the inevitable choice. The love triangle wouldn’t seem so scandalous if it weren’t for that pesky concept of monogamy. Even though humans aren’t necessarily monogamous creatures, we’ve been conditioned to find one partner with whom we’ll spend an unspecified amount of time. But if you and your partners don’t subscribe to the “one mate for every person” idea, why choose? If you can handle juggling two or more guys at once, why deprive yourself of seeing how each relationship plays out without limiting the players?
Well, there’s the guilt of knowing you aren’t giving your all to both partners. And eventually the scheduling and the strategic plans, the dates across town, and rarely sleeping in your own apartment become tiresome. Sometimes it’s nice to have the home bed advantage, enjoy some solo pampering time, and to only have to complain about your day once.
And sometimes it isn’t your choice. Maybe Weekend Boyfriend takes up with another woman and doesn’t have your aptitude for balancing multiple relationships. Thank goodness for Mondays.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
If you haven’t been trapped in an elevator for most of your life, you know that lovers communicate in many languages. The general consensus would have you believe that French is the official language of l’amour. Some choose to rely on plain English, while others use Pig Latin to divulge their deepest desires. I prefer the tongue of the Kalahari bushmen tribe myself.
There are a variety of love languages. You may be familiar with some of them. You might use them on occasion. Perhaps you’ve vomited at the use of it in your vicinity.
The first and most revolting of the languages is baby talk. It is commonly spoken by new couples who want to express their fresh love. This includes, but not limited to, the use of pet names (pookie snookums, bumble butt, and some combination of bunny and snuggle), cooing, and the advent of nonsensical words. Minor drooling may be involved. Bring a bib.
If you and your beloved are feeling romantic, it’s not unusual to get a little Elizabethan. You might find yourself sitting with your trusty plume etching out grandiose poetry. Romantic prose is usually recognized by the comparisons of your eyes to moonbeams, a lake, or a deer caught in headlights. Remember, women rarely swoon for men in pantaloons. Look at what happened to Cyrano.
Another language you’ll be more familiar with is dirty talk. This language is usually found behind closed doors or in a Quentin Tarantino film. Nudity is almost always involved. Dirty talk is not recommended for daily. public usage. Not only is it frowned upon, but it also loses it’s meaning if used too much, like repeating the word “refrigerator.” Euphemisms allow you to express dirty talk in a PG-13 manner. Not for the weak or the story book romantics.
How do mimes in love communicate with each other? Body language, of course. This is perhaps my favorite because it gets right to the point. If you are as oblivious to subtle hints and innuendoes as I am, your partner may strip down to their skivvies before you get the point. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Body language is more than just nudity and all that comes after it. Eye contact, the “accidental” brushing of hands, seductive leg crossing are all examples of body language. In some cases, action speaks louder than, well, other actions.
Communication is an important tool in relationships, regardless of your native tongue. It is imperative to inform your partner of your needs in a way with which you feel comfortable. Buy him presents that may hint as to what you want, point and grunt, or buy a naughty (or self-help) book and highlight the interesting sections. I like to use hand puppets and shoebox dioramas. Regardless of your native tongue, do have some sort of dialogue with your love before she hands you divorce papers and takes you for everything you own and refuses to tell you why.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
Love. I want to talk about this certain four-letter word. It’s a word that is potentially dangerous and can have serious repercussions upon using it. Some of you may have heard about it or seen it on television. Some of your parents may have been in love. You may have already been in love yourself.
Now television shows and movies want us to believe love is the key to a successful life. Hollywood has glamorized it for us. Love is beautiful, love is grand, love can make the world go ’round. Michael Bolton says that love is a wonderful thing and can make you smile through the pouring rain. But who’s going to trust a man with bad hair?
Tune out the hype and listen up. Love is a full-time addiction. Oh, it starts out small with a seemingly harmless crush. But soon, you’re hooked and looking for something stronger. You’re enamored, lustful, and filled with desire, all leading up to the hardest drug of all: l’amour. And boy, can it be dangerous. Look at Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, or any couple on the Jerry Springer show.
Love can happen at any time, in any place, but it most commonly occurs in the spring. Mr. or Ms. Wonderful enters your life and it begins. You discover that you enjoy the same type of music and motion pictures. You find your special Celine Dion song on the jukebox at the local diner. Things are going great and there is a great deal of swooning and baby talk. But soon, he needs more. She needs a commitment. You’re lost in a moment and it slips out. “I love you.” And it’s such a rush to say it. You say it again followed by empty promises of forever. You believe in it, like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus or that the Cubs will win the World Series.
You’ll find yourself latched onto a person and losing interest in other things, like eating, bathing or working. Sure, it’s great at first, like any high. But soon you find yourself in a loop of questions. “Where is he? What’s she doing? Who’s he with? Will he call me today? What will we do tonight? Does she love me as much as I love her? Will he always love me? Will I get laid?” This is often followed by unexplainable rashes, nausea, and a host of very annoyed friends.
It causes you to do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do, like serenade a woman outside her apartment building on a moonlit night, leave the toilet seat down, or rummage through bargain basements searching for Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits.
Love has been the leading cause of marriages, making out in parked cars, suicides, and bad poetry by 13 year-old girls. But even armed with the knowledge of the side effects, people still insist upon falling in love. And no rehab clinic or 12-step program can cure it. So my mission is to prevent love from spreading further and causing even more damage.
Therefore, I propose the “Just Say No to Love” campaign. Make the youngsters aware of love and its harmful side effects, frightening pitfalls, and dangers. Together, we can save some lives and restore some semblance of sanity to the world. If you or someone you know has the following symptoms: loss of appetite, sleeplessness, glazed-over eyes, aloofness, and a fondness for Michael Bolton, they may be in love. Act quickly, get help, and just say no.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
