Courage. You finally mustered enough of it to call up your latest crush and convince him to take you out for a meal you’ll be too nervous to eat and a movie you have no interest in watching. From the moment you hang up the phone it increasingly seems like a bad idea. You have the choice of going with your instinct and bailing on the date or muddle through and pretend to have a good time. Chances are your hunt for Mr. Perfect will push you to choose the latter option.
First dates are notoriously awkward. It is the time you and a virtual stranger try each other out to decide whether to proceed with the courtship ritual or resort to a one-night stand. Because a potential relationship waits at the end of the outing, both parties face undue pressures. Palms perspire, hearts jump, and the butterflies in your stomach induce involuntary bulimia. It’s all part of the dating process and mostly stems from not knowing how to handle oneself in a romantic situation with someone new. Once the hyperventilating subsides, take a look at the following ways you can avoid a disastrous date.
Ask questions to discover your date’s interests and passions. Playing the role of interviewer can fill in gaps in awkward pauses and conversation lulls. If your date is on the quiet side, this will open him up and give the impression that you’re into him. Be careful not to ask too many or too personal questions. Stick to the “Where’d you grow up?” and “How many siblings to do have?” spiel. Save the income, marriage, and baby questions for later dates. Speaking of marriage, it is okay to make sure he’s single. The last thing you want to find when you’re snooping through his files later is a marriage certificate and no copies of divorce papers.
Dress comfortably. Wear the clothes that make you feel sexy and confident. Ill-fitting garments will have you tugging and adjusting all night. When choosing an outfit, err on the conservative side. After all, clothes do come off.
Keep the conversation current and relevant. Don’t delve too much into your past and do not discuss previous relationships. It is common to have a first date with someone following a breakup, but your new beau doesn’t need to hear all the gory details of the old one. He does need to hear how his shirt complements his eye color.
Be truthful. Nerves and the desire to make a good first impression may cloud common sense and cause you to do or say things out-of-character. While it might be fun to pretend to have a glamorous career or know how to drive a motorcycle when meeting strangers in a bar, it’s not such a good idea when trying to establish the groundwork for a relationship. Be prepared to back up any outrageous claims you make.
Show off your playful side. This doesn’t mean you should dance on the bar with your top off (unless that happens to be one of your hobbies). Even if the guy turns out not to be Mr. Fabulous, there’s no reason to turn all sour puss and boycott fun for the rest of the date. Make a few quips about the movie, start up a game of table football, or shoot your straw wrapper across the table at dinner. Do whatever fits your personality and will keep you relaxed.
Don’t send mixed signals. If you’re not having a great time or you know this is a one-time only outing with this guy, let him know. Tell him up front that you don’t see a second date in your future and wish him well. The worst thing you can do is lead him on to believe something will transpire between you, physically or emotionally.
Make the first move. When the date is going well and you want things to progress to a more physical level, take matters into your own hands. Grab his hand, grab his butt, plant a kiss on his lips. Go only as far as you feel comfortable and don’t tease your date into thinking he’s getting around all the bases on the first night if you won’t follow through.
These tips won’t guarantee a successful date or insure a lasting relationship with the man in question, it’s up to you to make that happen. But if you follow them, you may end up having a good time and maybe you won’t wake up hating yourself the next morning. Now that you have the date under control, you can concentrate on first kiss execution.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this couple escape from holy matrimony.
This is it. You took the blood test, angered twelve of your closest friends and family members when you announced your intention to marry, and now 400 of your mother’s acquaintances are sitting in a chapel waiting for you to exchanges “I do’s” with a man you’ve barely spoken to in the past month. Suddenly the idea of reciting wedding vows has you taking a vow of silence.
You may be experiencing a bout of cold feet, which is perfectly normal and part of the pre-wedding jitters. However, if you’re hoping for some long lost admirer to crash your wedding and profess his undying love for you just as you’re about to say “I, uh…”, it may be alarms you hear ringing instead of wedding bells.
Before your wedding day arrives and the maid of honor finds you shimmying down a drainpipe, check out these tips for throwing in the veil and leaving someone at the altar.
Take your partner into pre-marital counseling. With the stress of planning a wedding and the merging of personal belongings, your actual romance may have fallen by the wayside. Talk it out with your partner and officiant and try to resolve any issues you may have with the relationship. This would give your partner a voice in the matter and the chance to dissolve the relationship mutually.
Fake your own death. Hey, Juliet did it to get out of her marriage to Paris. All you need is a friar who specializes in mixing potions and a maid willing to cover for you.
Go AWOL for several days. Have your friends fabricate a wild bachelor/ette party scenario in which you run off with some dark stranger. While on this holiday, you should prepare your big “It’s not you, it’s me” speech or be ready to do some major kissing up when your future ex catches up to you.
Stage a diversion. Ask your Uncle Lou to do his big hula number before the ceremony. As he’s grossing out your guests by shaking what your grandma gave him, you can escape quietly in a pre-packed getaway car.
Be a man (or act like one). Go through with the ceremony up to “Speak now or forever hold your peace” and make the announcement that you can’t spend the rest of your life with this person. Brace yourself for knee-jerk reactions and the possibility that you won’t be invited for cake afterwards.
Send a note to your partner. The next best thing to being there, an eloquently worded letter may soften the blow of the abandonment. When choosing a messenger, pick someone who is neutral. Sending the letter through a mother who’s been openly cursing your relationship or the jealous bridesmaid waiting for her chance to pounce may lead your former betrothed to believe the note was forged.
Before walking out on this momentous occasion, be aware of the damage you’re likely to do and that you are willing to face the consequences. Prepare yourself for the attacks of angry relatives, disappointed parents, and the possibility of never mending fences with your partner. Don’t take any steps that will sever ties, should you wish to salvage and maintain your current relationship.
And if you do leave your former future spouse, yes, you do have to return the wedding presents.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
Filed under: how-to's
The warmer months are here and warm weather seems to bring brides and grooms out of the woodwork to get married. Watching your friends get married is rarely a pleasant experience, especially if you’re still single. What’s worse is knowing that your friends are getting married and not being invited to the wedding. Even if you are invited, you risk a bombardment of “So, when are you going to tie the knot?” “Aren’t you seeing someone, sweetie?” and “I know someone who would be perfect for you…” So, without causing bodily harm to the bride’s great aunt, how will you survive wedding season?
Go on a road trip… solo. Getting away from everyone will give you a chance to experience things for yourself without interfering opinions. No need to go far. Just take a drive through your own state and stop at some interesting roadside attractions. Go to Roadside America.com to find some cool sights close to you. Discover new things and broaden your horizons. Imagine the stories you’ll have to tell when you get back home.
Hold a singles shower. Invite your single friends over and have them each bring one gift. Trade gifts, get liquored up, and play silly party games like Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle. If you’re feeling really adventurous, play Seven Minutes in Heaven (two people in one closet for seven minutes…) and do all the things you were to shy to do with Bobby in high school.
Plan your own wedding. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Even if there is no possibility of marriage in the near future, planning a fantasy wedding can be great fun. You can pick out wedding invitations and decorations or find the perfect location without the stress of checking availability or running your decision past a partner. Go the extra mile and try on wedding dresses. Bring along a friend and a camera. Who knows, your research may come in handy someday.
Write your own vows. Not vows of love and trust to (insert name of sexy actor du jour), but to yourself. Similar to those resolutions you love to break on New Year’s, come up with some promises to yourself, like “I will never let my mother set me up again,” and stick with them as long as you can. Or make a list of things you’ll never give up if you do find that one long-lasting relationship (“I refuse to stop drinking milk straight from the carton”).
Take some of those time-honored wedding traditions and bring them into everyday use. Carry a garter with you out to a nightclub. Approach a group of guys, get their attention, and toss the garter into the air. Whoever catches it will be the one you take home. Guys love when girls do slutty stuff like that.
Write an article about how to survive wedding season. Then try explaining to your boyfriend that you’re in no position to settle down and this isn’t a ploy to get a proposal out of him. Seriously. Spend half an hour convincing him that someone else wrote the article under your name. If that doesn’t work, toss a garter at him and give him a sultry look.
Still fretting over singlehood? Think about America’s divorce rate and sleep well tonight.
The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.
